Being collegial is important. But the ability to say “no” is crucial to getting things done.

The boss was unhappy with me.

I had pushed aside my own deadline-driven work to help a colleague who was in a jam. To my mind, I had done exactly what she had requested. I had fixed her problem and moved on.

But apparently I had made her uncomfortable because I wasn’t upbeat enough when I did the work. My boss told me it wasn’t enough to do the work; I needed to be happy about it.

I explained it was hard to be happy when I was frequently being asked to drop my work to handle coworkers’ problems (often created by their lack of organization, bu that’s another issue). I suggested that next time, to avoid inadvertently hurting anyone’s feelings, I would politely say “no” to last-minute requests and, when possible, schedule time later to take care of them. He told me that wasn’t an option. It was my job to be available whenever anyone needed me.

In hindsight, I should have noticed the huge red flag that was whipping around right that in front me. To keep on top of my own duties, I found myself working more and more during my lunch breaks and taking more and more work home with me. In that situation, eventually you or work will suffer. Maybe both will.

When you work in an organization, of course it’s important to be collegial and help teammates in need. But the ability to say “no” is crucial. It’s nearly impossible to complete your own work if you are expected to always put others’ needs above your own.

A few suggestions for politely saying “no” at work:

Say “no” and briefly explain why. Giving a reason that you can’t comply with a request may help the person understand that it’s nothing personal; you’re just busy at the moment. Mustering a smile, as I discovered, as you say this can’t hurt. Just be sure to make it a genuine smile.
Be flexible and propose an alternative. Unless the situation is a true emergency, explain that you don’t have time to handle the request immediately but that you likely will have time tomorrow (or whenever works for your schedule). If the person can’t wait, they may go ahead and find someone else to help. You may even be able to suggest someone else who might be available to pitch in. If they can wait for you to do it later, then it really wasn’t an emergency, was it?
Show gratitude and empathy. Thank the person for thinking of you when they need something done. Then firmly, but nicely, explain that your plate is full at the moment while acknowledging how busy they are, too.

Of course, if you’re not the boss, you can’t always say “no,” so you have to be prepared to take on tasks that are inconvenient. However, if your work situation never allows you say “no,” it may be time to reconsider your job options. Otherwise, you’ll have to somehow learn to live with never getting your own work done to your satisfaction.